so love this video! relate! lol

for the past few days, i’ve been meaning to write several entries about what’s been bugging my mind lately but i just couldn’t get myself to organize my thoughts. what a terrible week did i have??? i got so paranoid, got sick (which i think was psychosomatic) and got disheartened. how down can you get?!?! talk about the pits! fortunately, to top my week, i got my heart back with a whole new pizzazz to look forward to.

thank you for coming back and making me understand. i really missed you. =)

two weeks from now, we (adi, leo and i) will be moving in to our new pad in california garden square. due to unforeseen circumstances (cess’ decision to work in butuan city for the meantime and melai’s career move, which entails relocation to clark, pampanga) we have to give up our pad now because dividing all our house dues by three would be such a burden to us. moreover, rainwater seeps through the cracks of our room’s ceiling and dribbles to our beds! i’m getting tired of putting epoxy on the cracks so it makes it more enticing to move out of the pad; even if our two-month rent deposit will have to be forfeited since we will not be fulfilling the one-year lease as stipulated on the contract that we renewed last february. i just hope it’s not raining when we move in to our new pad.

i don’t like it when it rains. i don’t like it when everything seems to be wet or moist. i feel like i’m being restricted to the confines of our pad whenever it does. it also makes me lazier. furthermore, seeing the gloomy sky, in a way, weeping always makes me feel like i’m doused with melancholia.

i don’t like it when it rains - well, most of the time. and i’m not saying that i hate it. it has its perks. i like how comfy and lethargic you could get on your bed. i like how it makes it very conducive to snuggle with a special someone. and the sex! how steamy could it really get?!?! hahaha! but then, how can you enjoy all of these when you don’t have a special someone to do it with??? sigh! hence, i don’t like it when it rains.

on the other hand, corny and “cliché-ish” as it may sound, they say that there’s always a rainbow after the storm - something to look forward to. rainbows are deemed to be as symbolism for new beginnings, which i think, i want to go through now. not that i don’t like how my life is going. i’m actually contented with the way things are. but then, some things could be better if i can be or not be they way i am now.

a couple of days ago, i was reading through a very dear friend’s (georgie) blog entry about starting over when i realized that i would also like to initiate changes in my life. i, too, would like a tabula rasa to begin with. however, i know that starting with a blank slate is not possible because of the foundations of my being that i’ve already set for myself; plus the fact that a lot of people have preconceived notions on who i am. thus, i’m just gonna start with whatever i have now and hope for the best results. and i guess, it’ll be a good time to start modifying the way i live my life when we move in to our new pad.

moving in to the new pad will make us neighbors with the guy i’m seeing now. actually, i think he’s the one who triggered this plan for change in me. it’s just that i’ve grown to really like this person that i want to work things out with him, and i’m willing to undergo some changes in my life for him. not that i’m gonna shave my head (as what his somekinda-best-friend/roommate insinuated to one of the guys he previously dated) or work out in a gym for a buffed body – nothing physical please! i’m happy with the way i look. hahaha! what i’m driving at is that i’m willing to change how i perceive and deal with some things in life.

i know, i know, you guys will probably hit my head for this for a thousand times and force me to wake up back to reality. i shouldn’t dwell on a guy for any major decision in my life. but i’ve also been told by close friends that perhaps i just need someone to dominate my personality to straighten my life. i think i’ve found that in him. what’s interesting is that he intimidates me. he makes me shut up. he makes me go shy in front of him. he makes my walls crumble. he makes my frozen heart thaw. and most important of all, he makes me horny. hahaha! kidding! it all boils down to the fact that he basically makes me feel. if only let me in to his heart and life…. sigh!

as a clarification, i am not dwelling on him for the changes that i want to start in my life; although, again, he’s the trigger. if things will work out right between the two of us then, lovely! he’ll be a part of the changes in my life. if not, i will move on and i still intend to continue with the changes - changes that i hope, will make me a better person.

i know that this is so not like me! so i’m gonna end this entry now before i’m gonna go super duper mushy. now tell me, how’s this for a change?

here's my song of the month. thanks to sitti’s album, which has been playing over and over on my phone. i tried searching for the portuguese lyrics but i couldn't find one. darn!

bridges
dianne reeves

i have crossed a thousand bridges
in my search for something real
there were great suspension bridges
made like spider webs of steel

there were tiny wooden trestles
and there were bridges made of stone
i have always been a stranger
and i've always been alone

there's a bridge to tomorrow
there's a bridge to the past
there's a bridge made of sorrow
that i pray will not last

there's a bridge made of colors
in the sky high above
and i pray that there must be
bridges made out of love

i can see him in the distance
on the river's other shore
and his arms reach out in longing
as my own have done before

and i call across to tell him
where i believe the bridge must lie
and i'll find it, yes i'll find it
if i search until i die

when the bridges is between us
we'll have nothing to say
we will run through the sunlight
and he'll meet me halfway

there's a bridge made of color
in the sky high above
and i know that there must be
bridges made out of love

it’s my 2nd anniversary at work. again, who would’ve thought that i could endure this long in a company?!?! everything’s going alright and as always, i have a huge deficit on my quota that i have yet to catch up. i’ve been thinking of applying for a different position in the company – a more technical job, which i deem to have a more promising career path. however, i need to carefully rethink everything first because i’m gonna have to give up a lot of things if i choose to pursue this. i cannot afford to cave in to my impulsiveness and i don’t want to make any rash decision since we’re talking about a career shift here.

on a different note, i think my lucky stars and planets are aligning. i recently met a guy that i’m really interested in. although, as usual, i’m not sure if he’s interested in me as well but it seems that he does. or am i just assuming again? i don’t even know if we’re dating or not but we’re seeing each other. (there’s a difference between dating and seeing, right?) so after several months, i again have a new “karir.” i’m not exaggeratedly raving about him unlike with the guys i met in the past, though. i think i like him but not too much. i’m not overly into him but i’m into him, nonetheless. i don’t think a lot about him but he still crosses my mind. now, i think that everything’s falling on the right place. i feel that everything’s just enough. i think and feel that everything’s just right. is this it???

and so, i’ll just go with the flow and i’ll keep my fingers crossed. if everything’s gonna work out fine, then great. if not, i’ll shed a bucketful of tears and then move on. i’ll accept anything - good or bad. it’s part of the experience. and as my favorite line goes, “c’est la vie!” =)