two weeks from now, we (adi, leo and i) will be moving in to our new pad in california garden square. due to unforeseen circumstances (cess’ decision to work in butuan city for the meantime and melai’s career move, which entails relocation to clark, pampanga) we have to give up our pad now because dividing all our house dues by three would be such a burden to us. moreover, rainwater seeps through the cracks of our room’s ceiling and dribbles to our beds! i’m getting tired of putting epoxy on the cracks so it makes it more enticing to move out of the pad; even if our two-month rent deposit will have to be forfeited since we will not be fulfilling the one-year lease as stipulated on the contract that we renewed last february. i just hope it’s not raining when we move in to our new pad.

i don’t like it when it rains. i don’t like it when everything seems to be wet or moist. i feel like i’m being restricted to the confines of our pad whenever it does. it also makes me lazier. furthermore, seeing the gloomy sky, in a way, weeping always makes me feel like i’m doused with melancholia.

i don’t like it when it rains - well, most of the time. and i’m not saying that i hate it. it has its perks. i like how comfy and lethargic you could get on your bed. i like how it makes it very conducive to snuggle with a special someone. and the sex! how steamy could it really get?!?! hahaha! but then, how can you enjoy all of these when you don’t have a special someone to do it with??? sigh! hence, i don’t like it when it rains.

on the other hand, corny and “cliché-ish” as it may sound, they say that there’s always a rainbow after the storm - something to look forward to. rainbows are deemed to be as symbolism for new beginnings, which i think, i want to go through now. not that i don’t like how my life is going. i’m actually contented with the way things are. but then, some things could be better if i can be or not be they way i am now.

a couple of days ago, i was reading through a very dear friend’s (georgie) blog entry about starting over when i realized that i would also like to initiate changes in my life. i, too, would like a tabula rasa to begin with. however, i know that starting with a blank slate is not possible because of the foundations of my being that i’ve already set for myself; plus the fact that a lot of people have preconceived notions on who i am. thus, i’m just gonna start with whatever i have now and hope for the best results. and i guess, it’ll be a good time to start modifying the way i live my life when we move in to our new pad.

moving in to the new pad will make us neighbors with the guy i’m seeing now. actually, i think he’s the one who triggered this plan for change in me. it’s just that i’ve grown to really like this person that i want to work things out with him, and i’m willing to undergo some changes in my life for him. not that i’m gonna shave my head (as what his somekinda-best-friend/roommate insinuated to one of the guys he previously dated) or work out in a gym for a buffed body – nothing physical please! i’m happy with the way i look. hahaha! what i’m driving at is that i’m willing to change how i perceive and deal with some things in life.

i know, i know, you guys will probably hit my head for this for a thousand times and force me to wake up back to reality. i shouldn’t dwell on a guy for any major decision in my life. but i’ve also been told by close friends that perhaps i just need someone to dominate my personality to straighten my life. i think i’ve found that in him. what’s interesting is that he intimidates me. he makes me shut up. he makes me go shy in front of him. he makes my walls crumble. he makes my frozen heart thaw. and most important of all, he makes me horny. hahaha! kidding! it all boils down to the fact that he basically makes me feel. if only let me in to his heart and life…. sigh!

as a clarification, i am not dwelling on him for the changes that i want to start in my life; although, again, he’s the trigger. if things will work out right between the two of us then, lovely! he’ll be a part of the changes in my life. if not, i will move on and i still intend to continue with the changes - changes that i hope, will make me a better person.

i know that this is so not like me! so i’m gonna end this entry now before i’m gonna go super duper mushy. now tell me, how’s this for a change?

posted by cho at 8/08/2006 11:10:00 AM
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