You're Thailand!

Calmer and more staunchly independent than almost all those around you, you have a long history of rising above adversity. Recent adversity has led to questions about your sexual promiscuity and the threat of disease, but you still manage to attract a number of tourists and admirers. And despite any setbacks, you can really cook a good meal whenever it's called for. Good enough to make people cry.
Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

i watched this super hilarious movie yesterday. it's the first movie i've seen with marionette characters; as in, you really see the strings. highly recommended! kakaiba, ang gago at panalo! it's satirical and it targets the american government. here's the speech delivered by the main character....

"...we are dicks! we are reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. and the film actors guild (f.a.g.) are pussies. and kim jong il is an ass hole. pussies don't like dicks. because pussies get fucked by dicks. but dicks also fuck ass holes - ass holes who just wanna shit on everything. pussies may think they can deal with ass holes their way. but the only thing that can fuck an ass hole is a dick with some balls. the problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate; and it takes a pussy to show 'em that. but sometimes pussies get so full of shit that they become ass holes themselves. because pussies are only an inch and a half from ass holes. i don't know much in this crazy, crazy world but i do know that if you don't let us fuck this ass hole, we are gonna have our dicks and our pussies all covered in shit."

i've never felt as disheartened as i am feeling now. i never even thought that it could be such a heavy burden. what my heart feels and what my mind thinks are in synch, which makes it harder for me to cope. i wish my usually rational mind thinks differently than what my heart feels now. it's like i'm in a crevasse where it's impossible to climb out; a deep hollow fissure embedded in both my heart and mind. it's ironic that i feel the weight when i also feel the emptiness. how i wish could creep out of this farce instantaneously and unperturbed, although i'm afraid this will leave a tremendous scar in my heart, soul and ego. nonetheless, i'm thankful - thankful that i'm experiencing this now. that no matter how deviant or abnormal i may be; i am still human and am capable of feeling these extreme, yet normal, emotions after all.

here in the dark
i stand before you
knowing this is my chance to show you my heart
this is the start, this is the start

i have so much to say and i'm hoping
that your arms are open
don't turn away, i want you near me
but you have to hear me

here's where i stand
here's who i am
love me but don't tell me who i have to be
here's who i am, i'm what you see

you said i had to change and i was trying
but my heart was lying
i'm not a child any longer
i am stronger

here's where i stand
here's who i am
help me to move on but please don't tell me how
i'm on my way, i'm moving now

in this life we've come so far
but we're only who we are
with the courage of love
to show us the way
unlock the power
to stand up and say

here's where i stand
here's who i am
stand up and be counted, i'm counting on you
if you're with me, we'll make it through

here's where i stand
here's who i am
love me, love me, love me, and we'll make it through

here's where i stand
baby, baby, baby, i'm counting on you

here's where i stand
love me, love me, love me, and we'll make it through

i'm counting
oh, i'm counting
i'm counting
i'm counting on you

(here's where i stand
here's who i am
i'm counting on you)

sad, bad, blue, crestfallen, dejected, depressed, despondent, disconsolate, doleful, down, downcast, downhearted, droopy, forlorn, gloomy, glum, heartbroken, heartsick, heartsore, inconsolable, joyless, low, low-spirited, melancholy, miserable, mournful, saddened, sorrowful, sorry, unhappy, woebegone, woeful, wretched, aggrieved, distressed, troubled, despairing, hopeless, disappointed, discouraged, disheartened, dispirited

i'm bipolar....

early this morning, around 6 am, jem and i were hailing cabs along ayala avenue. we were chit-chatting when it dawned in me that i was holding an empty sparkling water bottle (summit - yumyum! {adverisement ito!!!}). so i went to the nearest trash bin to throw it, walking with my typical ghostlike strut - chin up, shoulders laid back and long strides that make me resemble like a floating ghoul. i was getting near the bin, which is under a tree, when my cap got caught on a low-hanging branch. my first instict was to spring back and catch my cap. apparently, i made the wrong move. as i stepped backwards, my right shoe did not get enough traction on the wet pavement. kablag!!! alas, i gawkily slipped and was instantly on the ground! waahhh!!!! good thing my right hand was fast enough to break my fall so i didn't land on my butt. and thank god, nobody saw what happened - aside from jem, of course. tough luck! boy i wish i could blame it on dante (see previous entry) but then the news say that he has already left the philippine area of responsibily yesterday. so the rainshowers that we are experiencing now are just brought by a low pressure area somewhere northeast of luzon (informative ito!!!). darn! i hate the rainy season!!! grrr!

rule no. 1 - do not assume!!! just go with the ebbs and flows of the farce. take things plainly as they are. it'll just be unfair for all parties involved.

rule no. 2 - don't be overly eager. take one careful step at a time. remember that there are no perfectly flat pavements. be wary of the bumps and potholes along the way.

rule no. 3 - say no to wishful thinking. life is not always like a cake with cherry panache. expect the worst thing that could happen; so that if everything works out well, edi happy!

rule no. 4 - don't offer everything, especially not on a silver platter. leave something for yourself. don't expect people to treat you rightly if you are not treating yourself accordingly in the first place.

rule no. 5 - always be careful. wounds heal and they leave scars. unlike lighting that doesn't strike twice on the same place, scars may turn into fresh wounds once abrasively rubbed. the heart is very fragile so take extra care of its scars.

dante, dante, oh dante.
gago ka!
pasaway ka!
nang dahil sayo,
kailangan naming maghintay ni jem -
45 minutes,
sa harap ng rufino,
nakaupo lang sa isang sulok,
hindi mo kami pinauwi.
sana man lang,
pinasakay mo muna kami ng taxi
nang hindi kami nagmukhang tanga.
umalis ka na!
lumayas ka!
huwag nang bumalik,
at huwag na kaming gambalahin pa!
labas na ng philippine area of responsibility!
putang inang bagyo ka!

just wanted to share our pics when we had our company outing in eagle point, batangas.... the trip was very excruciating but the entire expirience can never be replaced. oh my god! i've figured out how to put pictures on my blog! whew!

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
Inside my head

Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close,
Don't patronize
Don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the darkin these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
But you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

I'll close my eyes then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me

Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then
To give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the darkin these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the powerbut you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

• what happened between us?
• did i do something wrong?
• did i not treat you right?
• why do you have to be so insensitive?
• why do you have to tell me about him?
• why do you have to be touchy?
• why are you passing me wrong signals?

tell me. i need to know. i need to understand. help me understand....

you are so my cleopatra. my delilah. my undoing....